Thursday, February 5, 2009

Soul Struggle

"A reflection of you I long to be, so your kingdom I will seek, and I surrender to your throne..."

What does it mean to surrender?  I know what it means to be obedient.  But there is a vast difference between the two.  This is the lesson that I am learning right now.  I think in some ways it is easier to be obedient when you are first surrendered.  BUT...  how do I surrender all?

I met with a friend recently who noticed that there was a lack of passion in my life.  Why is that?  I have simply followed the logical path?  Or am I on a path that will lead to a passionate life?  I don't need to be happy, but I want to be able to say that there is passion.  My friend said that the light she has seen in me in the past was dim.  That hurts.  But, it's true.  Why?  Out of the past year, I am more on track with God, more involved in my church, more excited about church, and more purposeful in how I live life, but there is this lack of passion.  She also challenged me to really converse with God as to where he wants me to be.  I think it has been a long time since I really asked him where HE wants me to be.  I've attempted to follow him to where he wants me, but I have failed to ASK what he wants, and failed even greater at listening.

I am learning to let go of the will that I so long to control.  I struggle.

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