To thine own self be true??

To thine own self be true??  

That is a load of crap... it has been decided!  Why would I be true to myself, a sinner, broken, and totally messed up?  Wouldn't it be better to be true to Christ?

This is totally one of those doctrines that we as Christians have allowed the world to convince us of...but think about it...

Doesn't the Bible say to die to self?  to pick up our crosses and follow Christ?  to die is gain and live is Christ? ahem....?? and I know there are more examples... its not about me... its not about myself... its supposed to be about Christ! NOT ME!

I think far too often in my life I haven't realized this as fully as I need to!  I know myself better than anyone (except God of course :)), and I know that I am a miserable man (not miserable as in feelings but as in my ability to follow Christ).  

Does my Saviour lead me? Have I let go?  (haha.. let go)... not enough!

Maybe one day I'll figure it out...

Some things I know...Some things I don't

Ya know... life is a funny thing...  Since my last post I have been thinking a lot about what my spiritual gifts are compared to my natural abilities.  I have also been thinking why I was so frustrated at times at camp, why I left, why I am back in school, etc.

To most of the questions I have a vague idea... but in all reality nothing is really clear.  This is what I know as of today... 

When I read the scriptures, or am studying them in small group or listening to a sermon my automatic reaction is a desire to teach/share what I am learning myself. I like to be in mentoring roles, and have a desire to be mentored myself.  I love being out surrounded by nature, but also love the city.  I like being around people, but need time to myself to re-energize, I'm in school for one reason or another. 

This is what I'm not sure of but have an inkling of...

I have the spiritual gift of teaching and leadership, I have a natural ability of organization, I connect well with people one-on-one, I have more passion, vision, and desire when I am using my spiritual gifts, I need to let go of MY desires more, and I desire to see young people develop into leaders.

This is what I don't know...

Where can I best put my abilities and giftings to work, am I in school to gain perspective or to actually finish this degree, if I will ever not be tired, why I haven't figured it out yet.

I keep walking these journey's. Sometimes I decide which path to take, sometimes God shows me... in the end I want to know that what I am doing brings joy to HIM!  

Almost 30, lost as ever, but totally in love with my Saviour!