Random Rememberings...

It's a sunny Wednesday morning... and it's amazing up at SFU... whoever said that SFU is depressing doesn't know what they are talking about!

But this is not the reason for my post.  

Last night I was involved in a discussion about life, but not just life in general, life in Christ.  The conversation didn't start there, but rather on the topic of our words, being judged and acquitted by what we say.  This then lead to our heart motivations, judging others, or censoring others, and so much more.  It was quite the intense little conversation, but left me with a few thoughts that I thought I would share via blog form...

1.  I've come to this conclusion repeatedly...  Our lives need to be continually transformed from the inside out, and the best way to do this is to allow our minds to be transformed by the word of Christ, thus the importance of spending time with God in the word and not just in prayer etc.

2.  We need to remember that in all that we do we need to check our motivations and ensure that they are pure, not based on pride, jealousy, malice etc.

3.  No matter who we are or where we are, we are witnesses.  Our lives ought to witness the life of Christ, our lives should be lived as a reflection of Christ, our lives should be shared in order to share Christ, and we need to allow our lives to be used by Christ - that means releasing what deem important and our "need to do's", so that Christ can give us his "need to do's"!

There are a few other thoughts... one last one is more of a frustration...  How is it that my understanding of Christ and that of those people from that Church in Middle America be so different.  Why do they have so much hate in their doctrine, when my doctrine is more based on love?  How can our interpretations be so radically opposed?  Who is the blind one?  

That's it today... other than my continual saga of whether or not to go to camp for the summer and so on... but that's just a regular part of my life... so blah... hahah...

To thine own self be true??

To thine own self be true??  

That is a load of crap... it has been decided!  Why would I be true to myself, a sinner, broken, and totally messed up?  Wouldn't it be better to be true to Christ?

This is totally one of those doctrines that we as Christians have allowed the world to convince us of...but think about it...

Doesn't the Bible say to die to self?  to pick up our crosses and follow Christ?  to die is gain and live is Christ? ahem....?? and I know there are more examples... its not about me... its not about myself... its supposed to be about Christ! NOT ME!

I think far too often in my life I haven't realized this as fully as I need to!  I know myself better than anyone (except God of course :)), and I know that I am a miserable man (not miserable as in feelings but as in my ability to follow Christ).  

Does my Saviour lead me? Have I let go?  (haha.. let go)... not enough!

Maybe one day I'll figure it out...

Some things I know...Some things I don't

Ya know... life is a funny thing...  Since my last post I have been thinking a lot about what my spiritual gifts are compared to my natural abilities.  I have also been thinking why I was so frustrated at times at camp, why I left, why I am back in school, etc.

To most of the questions I have a vague idea... but in all reality nothing is really clear.  This is what I know as of today... 

When I read the scriptures, or am studying them in small group or listening to a sermon my automatic reaction is a desire to teach/share what I am learning myself. I like to be in mentoring roles, and have a desire to be mentored myself.  I love being out surrounded by nature, but also love the city.  I like being around people, but need time to myself to re-energize, I'm in school for one reason or another. 

This is what I'm not sure of but have an inkling of...

I have the spiritual gift of teaching and leadership, I have a natural ability of organization, I connect well with people one-on-one, I have more passion, vision, and desire when I am using my spiritual gifts, I need to let go of MY desires more, and I desire to see young people develop into leaders.

This is what I don't know...

Where can I best put my abilities and giftings to work, am I in school to gain perspective or to actually finish this degree, if I will ever not be tired, why I haven't figured it out yet.

I keep walking these journey's. Sometimes I decide which path to take, sometimes God shows me... in the end I want to know that what I am doing brings joy to HIM!  

Almost 30, lost as ever, but totally in love with my Saviour!

Post Sunday Ponderings

Acts 2:42-47

42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Small groups started three weeks ago with my church and for the first time in many many years I am able to go to one! It's very exciting and I am so thankful for my church and the opportunities that I have to be a part of this community. My particular small group is a Post Sunday Gathering, meaning we discuss the sermon from Sunday and tend to go in more depth from what the pastor spoke on. Every time we gather to discuss I am reminded of how much I love to study my Bible (which is weird because I just don't enough), what is even more interesting is how excited I get about the possibility of teaching and sharing with others what I am learning.

I'm in school to become a teacher. This is the path I beleive that I am supposed to be on. But why? I could teach the word in a church as a Youth Pastor - I have the degree to do that... why is it that I get so excited about the Word and yet am not teaching it now? I think it may because I stopped studying and lost the excitement. I need to be constantly learning in order to share with others. Sounds simple enough, in fact, it sounds like that is how it should be... in my life however, it hasn't been.

The above passage is what we have been studying for the past two weeks. Do you know what the first thought that crossed my head as I started studying it was?... Camp... my thought was "wow... this would be a great topic to share/teach at camp during staff training...the whole idea of community, the idea of coming together, having everything in common, breaking bread together etc." Summer staff teams are amazing every year, but imagine what a staff team could be like if we/they really understood what it meant to live in community like this passage discusses, imagine what it would be like for counselors in the villages, on the deck during a meal, in Q-town, running activities, in staff meeting... EPIC! Life Like NO other! It's in community that we are best able to reflect Christ because it's in that community that we can Love like NO other! Wierd how my thoughts always return to camp.

CAMP... it's in the blood...

It has been a blessing and a curse being away from camp for the past 8 months...

I have had a lot of experiences I would never have had if I were at camp... some positive, some negative... some good for me and some knowingly not so good. I wish that I could not be so fickle and simply enjoy each moment that God gives as a moment that God gives. I wish that I could learn lifes lessons without screwing up... I know its the same old "shit" for me... but I think I am figuring some things out... 1. I need God in my life... 2. (and more important right now)... I Want God in my life... 3. Camp will always be a part of my life... and 4. I really just need to get over myself. :)

So in the past few months I have allowed myself to explore different aspects of who I am... and am finding that the real joy and love in my life comes from those times that I am in fellowship with brothers and sisters - my christian family. I love working with kids and know that camp is a great place to do that... but I am also excited at the prospect of teaching. Hopefully... those two can co-exist.

I read on a friends blog that leaving camp and feeling that it was for good gave freedom... but in that freedom there was a realization that Camp Ministry is a place where they belonged. I feel very much the same way. All I want to know is whether that is full time or simply during the summer.

I've been reading more and more through the book of Romans but always find myself returning to Romans 11 and 12 to be reminded of how great our God is and that in response to how amazing he is we ought to submit and offer our lives as living sacrifices to be used as he wishes...

I'm excited for the year ahead... Im determined to join a small group, help out at Qwanoes, maybe even join a club on campus... if I don't feel to old... work less (we'll see about that..) and make sure that the changes in my priorities for life become more and more the way I know they should. Who knows what else may be in store... I'll let God decide this time instead of trying to take matters into my own hands.