The RESCUE

Okay so I am completely a Romantic Novel cheesey kind of person in my head. Yes it's true... I like teenage romance movies like Sydney White (and yes I saw it in the theatre)... I also like Johnathan Sparks (A Walk to Remember, The Rescue, The Notebook)... In fact I just finished the Rescue and I have decided that I have a split personality that personifies the two main characters Taylor and Denise... on one hand I am distant, troubled, lieing to myself and alone... on the other hand I allow my emotions to overwhelm me when I try to keep them under guard, I overanalyze every little situation but again I am alone.

Do I like being alone... I always say no...Do I mind being alone... I usually say no... So... the question is am I being honest with myself? I am lonely... it's true. I try and tell myself that I'm not, that I'm perfectly fine on my own, that I don't need anyone else and yet at the very truth of the matter I am dead afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. Problem is.. I don't know how to change in order to stop pushing people away and to allow them to enter into my world. It seems as though (just like Taylor) I push people away as soon as we start getting close... Why is that? I admit that I am afraid of committment.... but I'm not sure if that is all of it... IN fact I think there is a lot more to it... I just havn't been able to pin point what that is... Hmmm... Life is a mess.